Ok, so I'm not an expert in advice (I actually always say I am better at listening than giving advice) so this post is just me speaking honestly about my experiences and what I know I should have done when I went to University and things I wish people had of told me. There are probably things I have forgotten or should have wrote, despite this post being one I have re-wrote and worked on for many weeks now. But if you are doing a course similar to the one I did or need advice on anything just leave a message and I'll do my best to help.
Around this time four years ago I was getting ready to leave home to experience three amazing years at Derby University where I studied Textile Design. I was 19 with braces and a complete geek which, ultimately, meant I was terrified. I had lived away from home before so that wasn't the problem and therefore my main concern was not making friends, not excelling in my work and missing out and regretting things. I walked away from University regretting things, but I never missed out because I experienced the moments that I had, wanted or needed to experience in life. I made friends I will hopefully have in my life for a long time and, looking back, I excelled more than I thought I had. I sometimes beat myself up that I could have done better, but don't we all do that? I wanted to go to University since I was quite young so overall I excelled in achieving a dream and graduating in a subject I love.
Looking back now I got to go through University with the best bunch of class and flat mates. As a class we all helped each other, cried with each other, ate our way through tons of cakes/biscuits and, of course, got very drunk with together. We gave each other support when we needed it because throughout the three years we all went through our own individual though / happy times but came together as (I like to think) an amazing group to make even more amazing memories. When I graduated with all my classmates and my flatmate (who did another course to me) I was so proud of everyone and myself included.
So, I hope these six little tips and pieces of advice I picked up along the way on my University Journey helps you if you're going to University this year or helps you make your second or third year amazing!
1. Don't Be Afraid, Everyone Is In The Same Boat! - "Paddle Together"
You may be scared, terrified and feeling worried but these are all natural emotions to feel. You're parents are about to leave you to sort out your room and you know no one. Well, everyone is in the same boat as you so don't be afraid. I was fortunate that I knew my friend Matt who lived in the flat opposite mine and he came to visit me when moving in my stuff so we easily got chatting to other people who we speak to even now. Try and get a conversation going by maybe asking if anyone needs help or asking if they fancy going for a drink once everyone is finished unpacking. When it comes to people on your course you'll start chatting to people without realising you've started talking to them. I met my first Uni friend by chatting to her whilst waiting for a lift. I don't even know what was coming out of my mouth but you do tend to ask the usual questions - "what's you name?", "how old are you?", "where do you come from?". The course you're studying initially brings you together with people you don't know but then you soon find out that you have more things in common, the rest will be history and four years later you'll still speaking. But, this first point leads me on to the second!...
2. Not Everyone Will Get Along - You Can't Be Friends With Everyone
As a flat you may all get along very very well and may continue to live together for the rest of your time at University. But, that isn't always the case and you may not get along with all your flatmates. Everyone comes from different backgrounds so this is mainly where the conflict comes in as experienced by me and many other people I went to Uni with. You may be more in to cleanliness than others, you may know how to cook better or talk better to people in difficult situations.
Arguments may happen and sometimes they are inevitable. You have an early start and go to bed early but your flatmates come in at 3am making lots of noise ... Well, it will probably happen at some point and will do your freaking head in. The only way I dealt with things like this was to just ignore it. Maybe that is because I don't like confrontation, but I also knew that those situations were to be expected and you'll probably end up coming in loud at 3am sometimes yourself so the shoe is on the other foot. If you find these problems are getting out of hand and become unacceptable (as they do) make sure to go to the halls manager and don't be afraid to do so because they would have dealt with these situations many a times before and handle it in a professional and authority manner.
You can't be friends with everyone because there may be nothing in common with you and another flatmate but my tip is to not take it personally. Everyone is studying different things but just show a little interest in what they are up to every now and again so to make things a little easier for you and the whole flat. Hostility can be hard to live with.
3. Work As A Team - You'll Need It
Working together with your classmates is sometimes key. In my situation we had to bounce off ideas, have project meetings and advice each other, feed each other in desperate times of need near a deadline, do group projects in our contextual studies and, at the end of the year, come together to fundraise for our Degree Show. Not all of us spoke to each other because we didn't have a personal connection with someone and, as we are all girls, sometimes feelings can get too much and we get a little mad at each other. But, despite all this, we all had to and wanted to work together as team to get to the end of each deadline, each year and finally to our Degree Show.
There will be times in any course where you'll need to work as a team, whether it be a team building project or essay or simply just to help someone who is looking for advice or coursework support. Give it a try because you never know, these people may be looking for a friend in you and it will introduce you to new people and make you more open. Think how you would feel if you wanted someone to talk to or needed coursework support, you would want someone there so maybe think about being there for others.
4. Try And Not Say No To Things - A Good Party Never Hurts! (Unless deadlines are the next day)
I wish I had gone out a lot more but some situations made me quite nervous as I was shy and hadn't really drunk before I went to University, so I wasn't great at socialising (at the beginning). My work was my main priority, which sometimes did slip and I did say yes to a party, but that is ok every so often. "Live a little as you won't get this chance again" ... so my mum used to say. I didn't go to any major parties (which my University called Carnage and I hardly attended Fresher/Leaver Balls) and I wasn't a fan of dressing up in fancy dress but I did love doing my hair, make up and putting on a nice dress. Before I went to University I never went out and much preferred staying at home watching TV or reading a book/magazine and I was still like that when I left home, but I wanted to make sure I tried hard and said Yes! to things rather than shy away.
Looking back, I had some amazing nights out with some ending with me being a little too drunk or some not ending that well (a lot of cringe / funny moments in my head right now) but that was the fun of trying to live a little and having that University experience. Having a drink and a dance, chatting to new people and making good memories with your friends is sometimes worth giving up a night of work for.
Come third year me and a few friends knew work was our priority and we would work all week and, as soon as Friday night came, we would get dressed up, head out for cocktails and then on to a club for a dance. It became a tradition and truly was worth giving up one night of work for but making sure we worked hard all week. But, if I'm completely honest, my favourite nights were spent watching movies with my flatmates, drinking and eating ourselves stupid, getting hooked on TV series and crying with endless laughter.
5. You'll Grow Up Before You're Very Eyes - It's An Experience!
I cried, laughed, cried, made mistakes, shouted, made more mistakes and did stupid things when I was at University. I grew up every single year and hated myself for some of the things I did or said but, without trying to ever make excuses for myself, I had to go through those moments to learn and grow to get to the person I am today. But, it is all about letting the bad moments go when you leave University to make room for better moments to come. You may upset people with your mistakes, you may hate yourself and feel very sorry for yourself but, on the other hand, you will probably end up laughing a lot and reflexing on those cringe / bad moments in years to come.
University is the THE place to grow up. I went when I was 19 and left when I was 22. You go from teenager to adult in this huge life experience which can be overwhelming sometimes but when you look back you can be really proud of yourself for getting through those times.
First year is all about fun. Second Year is all about balancing fun and studying. And, third year, is all about studying, final exams or hand ins and looking for that Graduate job! It can sometimes be a lot of pressure but that is all part of growing up and you're not the only one experiencing a mixture of feelings and pressure. Talk to you class or flat mates about how you're feeling as they are probably feeling the same way as use and it can be a huge relief to just speak to someone and take the pressure of your mind and shoulders.
I put a lot of pressure on myself which, at the end of my second year, led to me having an panic / anxiety attack making me miss a friends party. I somehow lost so much confidence in my second year which made the start of the third year difficult. I wanted to be perfect in every aspect. I wanted to grow up before I could grow up basically and I waned to be a good friend, good textile designer and an all round good person. Putting myself under all that pressure wasn't easy and certainly wasn't needed. Don't rush projects, modules or revising, take your time and if you need a break then have one. You find your own style of working and just because someone is working until 2am to do work doesn't mean you have to if you think it will effect the next day or your week.
The friends who forgive and forget and make you laugh again are the friends you'll know will stick around and be friends with you for years to come. University is the time to make mistakes and have such a life changing experience. You'll enter each year as one person and leave as another. Easier said than done I know but try not to be so hard on yourself. You'll be ok! Just enjoy being a student before you HAVE to be a grown up as it will go so quickly.
6. Job Or No Job - It's Up To You
Getting a job whilst at University is something that is completely down to you, how you feel and whether you think you can juggle studies and a weekend job. Some people do, some people don't.
Yes it does look good on your CV, but will your studies be neglected?
I personally think if you get a weekend job whilst studying it is all about being organised and learning to say no to going out or overtime occasionally to get course work done. I didn't have a job whilst in term time, I went home at summer and Christmas breaks to work in my local New Look store to earn some money ready for the next year. Looking back, I do regret this because a year after leaving University I am still trying to work hard to earn money to pay off an overdraft I had to go in to because of how expensive my course and internships were. Most people do come out with an overdraft so don't be ashamed by this, just be pro-active about how you can pay it off. It is something than can be worrying but many banks offer student accounts with overdrafts meaning you have time after graduating to pay them off. Of course, you also have your huge, massive, gigantic loan to pay back the Government, but don't worry about that too much until you're in a job and earning the right amount to pay it back because until then there is nothing you can really do.
If I had of had a weekend job then that money could have been spare or emergency money or money for after University to get myself a flat. I budgeted each month and year, but was sometimes still quite short of money (as are most students). Yes, I did an expensive course and yes it was demanding on me as I had to be in the studio a lot, but was that really an excuse for not having a job during term time? Well, no maybe not! But that is why I am speaking honestly and saying really think about getting a weekend job to add some pennies in to the bank to make life easier for yourself after University. It is slightly harder now because of how the Government are changing the system with maintenance loans or grants and with higher tuition fees but if you're worrying about money then their is always help or someone to talk to at University. I know many have support systems in place to help and reassure students on money and loans.
This was quite a cheesy, reflective post I know but I hoped this helped.
And if anyone is going off to University soon - Good Luck!
Speak soon - Lisa Jayne x
